Goodbye

I fell in love with a man that could never be mine,
Just basking in his smile sends a tingle down my spine.
How I wish his smile was for me and just for me alone,
Yearning for an unreachable love I should have known.

The despair that overwhelms me slowly deadens me,
I wish I could return three years in the past, three years.
How different things were back then when I never met him,
The love I could never earn because I was not Kym.

Close the door to the things I do not need anymore,
To flee from this suffering turmoil, my inner war.
Goodbye to this suffering love that I have felt,
Goodbye to them all. Goodbye.

Set me free

The silence in the house deafens me,
The scent of salt washes me like a sea.
I wonder how I’ve lived all these years,
In this big house alone with my fears.
Slowly bit by bit, suffocating, eating me away,
I’ve walked on believing I’d be okay.
I’ve never noticed how empty I had been,
Until I turned back lost and worn thin.
Like a shadow of what had been, following me,
Perhaps I never truly wanted to be free.

I wanted to continue on loving you,
Remembering the scent of your shampoo,
Your smile that carried me through my dark days,
how I used to nag at you about your lazy ways,
The warmth of your arms around me at night,
And how being with you made things seem alright.
I wish you’d return to where I am waiting still,
And daybreaks and washes away the chill,
Where I wished everything had been a dream,
Where your eyes twinkle with that gleam.
I used to think that everything would be okay,
And worked hard until my worries felt so faraway.
Things are not as easy as they seemed to be,
Your love you left me no longer sets me soaring free.
This house you left me has turned into my cage.
The book I once wrote no longer has any page.

Set me free, free from this unbearable dream,
Let me live, let me regain my self-esteem.
Give me back the emotions I once had where I once smiled,
And laughed uninhibited and wild.
Set me free to fly away into the blue sky.

—-
A/n: I think the poem’s rhythm is rather off, but I felt if I rephrased it another way, it’d lose what I was trying to say so I didn’t fix it.

Lost truths

The thread spun, unraveling its glamour to the world,
Words unspoken, thoughts unsaid, fate unfurled.
We walked on without pausing, without looking back,
Losing the path to return, the time we spent is gone.

The train speeds on, the stops pass by in an endless array,
We watch them speed past, the colours turning to grey.
Unsure, unfamiliar, we miss the stop, unknowingly lost,
A one-way train, unrecoverable stop, we were tricked by fate.

I paused searching for something I didn’t know I wanted,
The time passed and the stop missed, they are now unwanted.
The chance for truth passed and gone without me knowing,
Looking back, how foolish I had been, how lost I was.

The thread spun, unraveling its glamour to the world,
Words unspoken, thoughts unsaid, fate unfurled.
I search for a path where the unwanted truth can be said,
Where time lost returned, where stuff we needed to say, said.

Waiting

I wait here watching the leaves fall,
The footsteps echo in the empty hall.
The windows rattle as the wind blows,
The red leaves look like the petals of a rose.
I wait for you to realize that I’m waiting,
So we can stop this game of baiting.
I hope you won’t take too long to realize,
Or I might not be here waiting when you realize.

A long time has passed since we first met,
There are many things that we forget.
But I still am here waiting for you,
Patiently waiting for you to break through.
The leaves fall as time passes me by,
The seasons pass and soon it’ll be July.
Have you realized that I have been waiting here?
I have already been waiting for a long year.
Will you realize in time before my feelings die,
Or will you be too late, realizing after I say goodbye.
I wait for you to realize that I’m waiting,
So we can stop this game of baiting.
I hope you won’t take too long to realize,
Or I might not be here waiting when you realize.

Morning Dew

Fly, high,
Away into the bright blue sky,
Away from all the never ending lies,
Away from the deafening silence.

Soar, free,
From the filth of our hearts,
From our parody of private arts,
From the things we often yearn to be.

Live, from,
The stuff that we could never be,
How we tried so hard to hide and flee,
Quietly breaking, our spirit disappears.

Exist, away,
A love that can never be returned,
When the moon rises and the earth turns,
There will never be someone there waiting.

Never cry,
For he will never see you as someone more than plain you,
For the love is transitory like the fading morning dew,
For you knew that it was never meant to be.

—-
A/N: Its a little strange, the poem structure that is. I hope it is a little refreshing.

Cynical in love

It was an addiction. The fuzzy feeling that sweet romantic novels gave me were my kick. In a society where I found myself unable to be accepted, they were my only outlet. Each time when I felt down and depressed, they were that little shining hope that I clung on. In hope that I too would be rescued just like the female lead in the story. When I was their age in those novels, I hoped to find someone like that. I searched desperately, wondering if someone would love me like they do in those novels. I waited impatiently for someone to find the real me, someone to sit up and say that that wasn’t me. When I grew older than those in the books, I began despair thinking I’d never find someone who loved me as warmly as they did. The love in the books was idealized to the point that it could never happen in real life.

Now much older than I was then, the love I wanted never came. I never found anything close to the love I wanted and began to doubt my ability to love. I came to believe that a person like me would never be able to whole-heartedly love someone like the characters do in the books. I became bitter towards love and cynical about the whole idea, never letting anyone close to me. That began to drive people away from me and soon I found that I had no one left beside me. No friends, no one to confide to and with that, I dove inner into myself. I hid myself from others sealing myself completely from then.

Sometimes I wonder if it was really my fault for being cynical about the idea of love and I wonder if my life would have been any different had I not read all those romance novels. Perhaps if I had not, I’d have been more accepting in the love I had once, and maybe I’d have found someone more suitable. I might have been happier. There are many ifs in this matter, but no matter how cynical I am, I hope one day someone would see the real me.

—-

A/N: Something close to my heart, probably goes the same for everyone

Words

Are we happy? This dead feeling in my heart,
The petals falling around us as we part.
The unspoken truth we both knew and cried,
That I was never meant to be your bride.
The warmth of your hands have gone away,
With each step you take, with each look of dismay.
I would have taken it all back, been yours, if you just said,
I love you.

Are we happy? This dead feeling in my heart,
The petals falling around us as we part.
Are we sad? The smiles and laughter we have shared.
The petals embraced us as we stared,
The silence filling what words could not hope to.
The warmth of our hands fading as we grew,
Our wishes once were simple and clear,
Now older and wiser, we have lost them to fear.
We blushed, stumbled and hesitated over little stuff,
Time has passed us by as we have tried to bluff.
Now as we say our last goodbyes, tears fall,
We stare as the petals embraced us hiding us from all.
The words needed to be said yet never said,
Now could not be said, stomachs filled with dread.
Both wanting to tell, both wanting not to hear,
So we stared, tear dried faces under the sky so clear.
The silence filling what words could not hope to,
There was never a choice once, not once we knew.

Are we sad? The smiles and laughter we have shared.
The petals embraced us as we stared,
The silence filling what words could not hope to.
Your trembling hands hesitating what to say,
Words I could not hope to hear though I prayed,
And wished it would come through any day.
Now as I leave, the petals fall around us,
Telling us to cry, for no one can see our distress.
I should have said it earlier, words I could never say.
Said them when we were young enough to fool and play.
With each step I take, with each look of dismay.
I would have taken it all back, been yours, if you just said,
I love you.

—-
A.N: If you haven’t realised. Its 2 people thinking. The girl is the first one, the guy is the last one.

Empty

I reached for you in the dark
My hands reaching as far as they could
You were not there, nowhere to be seen
I realized too late about the stone in me

I’m lost, I’m cold, I’m dry, I’m empty
Seeping into the darkness in my hole
I’m lost, I’m empty without you
My world is fading

The warmness of your hands has gone
The love you gave has left
I have made you wait too long, too long for me.
I realized too slow that it was me who was cold

The edges of my world have dimmed
The colors have turned to black and white
How cold, how cruel I have become since you left
My trembling hands long for your warmth

I’m lost, I’m cold, I’m dry, I’m empty
Seeping into the darkness in my hole
I’m lost, I’m empty without you
My world is fading

I don’t care for the money,
I don’t care for the fame
I have made you wait too long, too long for you
Now I ache for your warmth, your overpowering love

I’m lost, I’m cold, I’m dry, I’m empty
Seeping into the darkness in my hole
I’m lost, I’m empty without you
My world is fading

—-
Its a song this time. It hit me so I wrote it down.