Chapter 1: Prologue

The scent of the tangy air, the rustling of the bamboo leaves in the wind.  They were all engraved into my memory.  They were my most precious memories that I had of my growing up years.

They too were my only few ones.  I wondered how no one ever came for me that day when I finally opened my eyes.  I dreamt of having a mother, a father and perhaps a sibling, but I waited and waited.  Till the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into days.  Before I knew it, I had lived several years without a name, identification or even memories of the past.

I had few memories.  Summer nights where the clouds were pregnant with rain often brought them back.  There was always a woody scent, the bamboo leaves that rustled in the wind, the rough paneled deck beneath my feet and that forlorn feeling in my chest.  It felt like it was a memory that I should not remember.  The doctor called it a Pandora box and I felt it sounded sinister.  I felt that they were not bad memories but simply sad yet I hesitated to find out what it is.

Despite having no memories, no real name, I never faltered.  Each day would be better than the previous I told myself and it felt that way.  I celebrated my birthdays on that I awoke in the hospital.  It seemed right.  They said I looked roughly sixteen and coerced me into taking the proficiency test but found I got them all right.  It was only then they declared that perhaps I just looked young for my age.  I secretly hoped that it was not that I look young but that I was a genius.  Even amnesiac could have their secret hopes and I enjoyed mine.

It seemed that many of my memories involved rain.  Sitting on the window ledge, watching the beads of rain fall onto the clear glass makes me feel wistful.  Hazy memories are pulled up while trying to hold them down often result in them slipping from my fingers.  Sometimes thoughts that have no link to my current situation would float to the surface.  One of the most frequent ones was, ‘If only I had cared for her more.’  On those days, I wonder why sort of life I lead before my accident.  Was I happier now? That was my niggling worry and I wondered why that was my greatest fear.

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Set me free

The silence in the house deafens me,
The scent of salt washes me like a sea.
I wonder how I’ve lived all these years,
In this big house alone with my fears.
Slowly bit by bit, suffocating, eating me away,
I’ve walked on believing I’d be okay.
I’ve never noticed how empty I had been,
Until I turned back lost and worn thin.
Like a shadow of what had been, following me,
Perhaps I never truly wanted to be free.

I wanted to continue on loving you,
Remembering the scent of your shampoo,
Your smile that carried me through my dark days,
how I used to nag at you about your lazy ways,
The warmth of your arms around me at night,
And how being with you made things seem alright.
I wish you’d return to where I am waiting still,
And daybreaks and washes away the chill,
Where I wished everything had been a dream,
Where your eyes twinkle with that gleam.
I used to think that everything would be okay,
And worked hard until my worries felt so faraway.
Things are not as easy as they seemed to be,
Your love you left me no longer sets me soaring free.
This house you left me has turned into my cage.
The book I once wrote no longer has any page.

Set me free, free from this unbearable dream,
Let me live, let me regain my self-esteem.
Give me back the emotions I once had where I once smiled,
And laughed uninhibited and wild.
Set me free to fly away into the blue sky.

—-
A/n: I think the poem’s rhythm is rather off, but I felt if I rephrased it another way, it’d lose what I was trying to say so I didn’t fix it.

Lost

They cry
They weep
They pray
For the salvation that never comes.

Alone
Broken
Fallen
She weeps for the light lost forever.

—-

This picture was taken from Levolas. Poem was based on his picture.

Words

Are we happy? This dead feeling in my heart,
The petals falling around us as we part.
The unspoken truth we both knew and cried,
That I was never meant to be your bride.
The warmth of your hands have gone away,
With each step you take, with each look of dismay.
I would have taken it all back, been yours, if you just said,
I love you.

Are we happy? This dead feeling in my heart,
The petals falling around us as we part.
Are we sad? The smiles and laughter we have shared.
The petals embraced us as we stared,
The silence filling what words could not hope to.
The warmth of our hands fading as we grew,
Our wishes once were simple and clear,
Now older and wiser, we have lost them to fear.
We blushed, stumbled and hesitated over little stuff,
Time has passed us by as we have tried to bluff.
Now as we say our last goodbyes, tears fall,
We stare as the petals embraced us hiding us from all.
The words needed to be said yet never said,
Now could not be said, stomachs filled with dread.
Both wanting to tell, both wanting not to hear,
So we stared, tear dried faces under the sky so clear.
The silence filling what words could not hope to,
There was never a choice once, not once we knew.

Are we sad? The smiles and laughter we have shared.
The petals embraced us as we stared,
The silence filling what words could not hope to.
Your trembling hands hesitating what to say,
Words I could not hope to hear though I prayed,
And wished it would come through any day.
Now as I leave, the petals fall around us,
Telling us to cry, for no one can see our distress.
I should have said it earlier, words I could never say.
Said them when we were young enough to fool and play.
With each step I take, with each look of dismay.
I would have taken it all back, been yours, if you just said,
I love you.

—-
A.N: If you haven’t realised. Its 2 people thinking. The girl is the first one, the guy is the last one.